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The Moving Chronicles II- October 2009
As much as I liked looking out the back door and seeing the Gulf of Mexico, I finally had to admit that my
location left alot to be desired as far as running a business out of my home -- number one problem being
the property owners did NO upkeep and I lost customers since they thought they had been directed to
an abandoned building. I know this since I got two phone calls telling me so!! One thing led to another
as I tried to figure a way to rectify the problem -- namely, while searching for an affordable vehicle I came
across a rental I could afford in my old neighborhood. I took that as a sign and moved back down to the
west end -- beautiful Laguna Beach. For those who think the old style beach has been developed
out of existence, I invite you to come on down!! Old school, rather bohemian and a golf cart community.
Not to mention that I have space for a real studio/office and a nice deck with great neighbors!
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I love it when people come to the door and ask me,
"What's My Sister's BIG Idea Factory?" I tell them this
is where I come up with all my big ideas. I am open to
the public every Saturday from 8 am until 4 pm -- free
coffee and lots of discounts off marked prices. I am
available by appointment practically 24/7/365 -- you
can call me at 205.409.2974 or email me.
The beach is actually only about 50 feet further away
from my home than it was before -- I just cannot see
it unless I walk to the corner. I really like the fact that
I no longer live beside a beach access parking lot --
holiday week-end parties OK -- every night of the week
parties -- NOT OK!
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10 Ways to Be Happier
How happy are you - really? If there's room for
improvement,
then Gretchen Rubin has some suggestions.
A few years
ago, on a morning like any other, I had a sudden realization: I was in danger of
wasting my
life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New York City
bus, I saw that the years were slipping
by. "What do I want from life?" I
asked myself. "Well, I want to be happy." I had many reasons to be
happy: my
husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my life; we had two delightful
girls, ages 1 and 7;
I was a writer, living in my favorite city. I had friends;
I had my health; I didn't have to color my hair. But too
often I sniped at my
husband or the drugstore clerk. I felt dejected after even a minor professional
setback.
I lost my temper easily. Is that how a happy person would act? I
decided on the spot to begin a systematic
study of happiness. (A little intense,
I know. But that's the kind of thing that appeals to me.) In the end,
I spent a
year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and tips
from popular culture.
If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know, would it
work? Well, the year is over, and I can say: It did. I
made myself happier.
And along the way I learned a lot about
how to be happier. Here are
those lessons.
1. Don't start with
profundities.
When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty
quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily
meditation or answering
deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to
sleep at
a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this
up; these two factors have a big
impact on happiness. Learn how to
Get a Good Night's
Sleep.
2. Do let the sun go down on
anger.
I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as
possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings
before bedtime. Studies show,
however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger
related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not
expressing anger often allows it
to dissipate. (See
16 Ways to Manage Your
Anger from
Real Simple)
3. Fake it till
you feel it.
Feelings follow actions. If I'm feeling low, I
deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier.
If I'm
feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings
toward her soften. This
strategy is uncannily effective.
(Sheila's note: This was our beloved Mama Lucy's advice, too)
4. Realize
that anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
Challenge and
novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and
successfully
dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of
satisfaction. People who do new things -
learn a game, travel to unfamiliar
places - are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they
already do well. I often remind myself to "Enjoy the fun of failure" and tackle
some daunting goal.
5. Don't treat the blues with a
"treat."
Often the things I choose as "treats" aren't good for me.
The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of
guilt and loss of control and
other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it's easy
to
think,
I'll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine - a pint of ice
cream - a cigarette - a new pair
of jeans, it's worth pausing to ask whether
this will truly make things better.
6. Buy some
happiness.
Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved,
secure, and good at what we do and having a sense
of control. Money doesn't
automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I've learned to
look for
ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and
friends; to promote my health; to work
more efficiently; to eliminate sources of
irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes; and to
have
enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a
better digital cam-
era. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness bang
for the buck.
7. Don't insist on the best.
There are two
types of decision makers.
Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a
decision once their criteria
are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta
sauce that has the qualities they want, they're satisfied.
Maximizers
want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a
backpack that meets
their requirements, they can't make a decision until they've
examined every option. Satisficers tend to be
happier than maximizers.
Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they're often
anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.
8.
Exercise to boost energy.
I knew, intellectually, that this worked,
but how often have I told myself, "I'm just too tired to go to the gym"?
Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can
brighten my outlook.
Try one of these
15-Minute
Workouts.
9. Stop nagging.
I knew my
nagging wasn't working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my
husband would never
do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything, more work
got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happi-
ness boost from quitting nagging.
I hadn't realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking
like
that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints
(for example, leaving a new lightbulb on the counter); using just one word
(saying "Milk!" instead of talking on and on); not insisting that
something be
done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself.
10. Take action.
Some people
assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You're born an Eeyore
or a
Tigger, and that's that. Although it's true that genetics play a big role,
about 40 percent of your happiness
level is within your control. Taking time to
reflect, and conscious steps to make your life happier, really
does work. So use
these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I promise it won't take you a
whole year.
About the Author
Gretchen Rubin is the
author of several books, and she keeps a daily blog at
www.happiness-project.com.
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Three Little Words
(Originally printed on Yahoo! Shine in September, 2008)
Nooo -- not the ones you think, even though 'I love you' does make the spirit
stronger. I am talking about
acceptance, forgiveness and
faith.
Acceptance -- the world and everyone are how they are (just
as you are how YOU are) so you can
just ignore them or try to change the
world OR make your own space a better place (OMG - that
sounds like a great
t-shirt).
Forgiveness -- not forgiving only eats YOU up. Even if
someone screws up over and over and over,
you must have forgiveness in your heart
for your own sake. That is not to say you have to trust that
person or even
allow them into your space, much less your heart, but not letting go of your
anger
and/or hurt is only going to hurt you.
Faith -- not necessarily in God, or Allah, or whatever you
call the GREAT BIG WHATEVER (I like to
think of it as the Universe), but in the
fact that everything is according to plan -- everything is a
scientific chemical
reaction, everything happens for a reason, we all have a reason to be here,
etc
(once again -- insert your own term here) and everything changes
constantly. We are here to learn
and some of us have harder lessons than others
do. The thing is to take every experience of
every minute of every day and
gather something from it. I am about to be 52 years old at the end of
this
month and I can tell you, all of the things going on around you and in you are
happening for a
reason. Begging God or getting angry because it hasn't been
revealed yet is not going to work,
either. the Universe (God, Allah, Whatever,
etc.) has its own schedule. You must have acceptance
of the situation,
forgiveness for the shortcomings of the situation and the people involved and
then,
what do you know? You have arrived at Faith.
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Really Smart, Genius or Just Plain Nuts?
(Originally printed on Yahoo! Shine in September, 2008)
There's a big difference between being really smart and being a genius.
While geniuses do tend to be ex-
ceptionally smart, they also use imagination and
creativity to invent, discover or visualize something com-
pletely original. They
find "new territory" rather than simply remembering or reciting existing information.
Geniuses do not usually operate inside a vacuum, either -- nearly
all of them study the work of other great
minds and use that information to make
new discoveries. Self-taught geniuses, on the other hand, often
explore
information in unexpected ways, mostly because of their lack of formal
training. In either case, the
ability to imagine new possibilities is as
important as intelligence.
Studies have shown that listening to Mozart could raise IQ scores. Some
parents start playing Mozart for
babies, hoping to take advantage of the "Mozart
effect." I did them one better -- during my pregnancies, I
listen to a lot of
classical music, as well as playing it for my babies after they were born. The
studies re-
vealed two alternatives as explanation of the improved IQ scores --
music makes people more awake and
alert or, listening to Mozart and mathematical
or spatial reasoning tasks rely on the same neurons within the
brain. However,
none of the studies involving Mozart's music used babies as test subjects, and
the Mozart
effect in adults is usually temporary. My personal study reveals that
all three of my children love music of
many varieties and are a great deal above
average intelligence. Phase two of my personal study (i.e. my
granddaughter) showed
us another option. Her mother listens to hip-hop and did so during her
pregnancy.
On her very first outing to a restaurant, Lexi cried almost
continuously from the time we arrived until we
moved to a corner booth. While
the move was to get her away from the other guests, it also put us closer to
the
kitchen where the staff was blasting hip-hop music louder than the dining room
juke box, which was blast-
ing Hank Jr. My personal study hasn't drawn any
conclusions from this, other than my "driver-picks-the-
music" rule will continue
into the era of my granddaughter riding in my car.
One of the stereotypes surrounding above-average-intelligence children is
that they have trouble fitting in
at school. Several scientific studies suggest
that this particular stereotype may be correct. A Purdue
University study of 423
gifted students suggested that they were susceptible to bullying. While this is
certainly true of my own experience, I was amazed when my son started pre-school
many years ago. Not
only his classmates, but ALL of the children would rush
outside to meet him in the morning and followed him
out in the afternoon. He
gave popularity a whole new meaning. He and I have "official IQ scores" with
only
a one-point difference. My daughters both tested well above the 90 - 110
score average, but one is a
social animal and the other is more introverted. A
20-year study of gifted children ending in 1940 sug-
gested that the trend of not
fitting in continues into adulthood. The study used a test that measured both
verbal intelligence and personal adjustment. People who scored above 140 in
verbal intelligence generally
had lower personal adjustment scores. According
to my personal study, personality has a lot more to do
with personal adjustment
than intelligence.
While we are on the subject of genius, we have got to go to that thin line
that many think divides genius
and madness. I am not sure about that issue,
although I do know that my family has a lot of very intelligent
people who seem
to toe that particular line. I know that these people (myself included here)
are seldom
bored OR boring. Some of us work very hard to maintain what is
considered to be "normal". Then there
are those of us (myself included here)
who embrace the differences many consider irrational and constantly
explore who
we are -- instead of searching for what others expect us to be. I will close
with this quote from
one of my personal heroes, John Nash, who suggests that
irrational thought actually has its benefits. Dis-
cussing his recovery from
schizophrenia, Nash remarks that it is not "entirely a matter of joy" for
him. He
explains: "One aspect of this is that rationality of thought imposes a
limit on a person's concept of his re-
lation to the cosmos." (John Nash is the
Nobel Prize-winning mathematician whose battle to overcome his
mental illness
without medication was featured in the book and the movie, "A Beautiful Mind".)
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My Sister's BIG Idea Factory
After spending most of the last 8 months trying to figure out just how I was going to pay bills, I received an
email November 30 that jarred me back to my original game plan.
I have spent a good portion of the last ten years learning how to write grant proposals. The first three years
or so, I mainly got feed-back telling me what I had done wrong. In 2003, with my middle child spending time
with me and looking over my shoulder, I finally got results -- as in the man I send my proposal to liked it so
much that he decided to accept my plan without me!
This person lives on Perdido Key and was trying to sell a block of 8 townhouses he had built with the notion
of making a fortune on short-term rentals. My daughter and I rode by almost daily -- occassionally jumping
out of the car to made clandestine measurements and to check on some other things. I sent him a plan
where he could make me a working partner by giving me one of the townhomes and I would proceed to
get government grants as a new landlord, thereby upgrading the property to high-end long-term rentals with
an exit plan of owner-financing the other units to viable tenants and
turning it into a condo property, with him keeping all profits and me
getting free title to my unit. Just think of my excitement when he
called about a
week after receiving my proposal and invited me to lunch!
The lunch was great and my excitement continued to grow as he asked about me and my personal life. I
had not given much thought to the fact that his daughter and son-in-law had joined us (after all, he was in his
late '70's or so and probably didn't drive anymore.) Finally, after we had finished lunch and ordered drinks,
he told me how much he liked my proposal and how it showed so much diligence on my part. He seemed
geniunely impressed when I humbly told him how much that meant to me, since I had written it myself after
educating myself as to the proper way to proceed. Then he dropped the bomb - he had decided to instigate
MY plan with HIS DAUGHTER and SON-IN-LAW!! I thanked him for lunch and immediately went back to
my car to cry in the parking lot for about half an hour.
Finally cried out and driving back home, I realized the good in a really bleak situation -- I had learned how
to write an influencial business proposal. Now I needed to educate myself on how to protect my proposals,
but at least I knew I could get my ideas across in a professional, viable way.
Back to the present and my November 30 email -- the web site I had used for organizing my business
plan has been keeping an eye on me and wondered if I planned to upgrade my plan in the near future as
the small business money everyone has been talking about since the beginning of this Stimulus-Package-
Bail-Out-Whatever-You-Want-to-Call-It appears to finally be on the horizon! I have a lot of new stuff, in-
cluding one product market test that was very successful and one product market test that was a complete
disaster. Also, with real estate prices still in free fall, maybe I can get everything together in one pile now.
I did have a great time and something of a success with my
Sunday After Church Flea Market in
Northport and while not the financial success of my previous effort,
Starving Artist Saturdays are at
least bringing about some interest -- that is, until Thanksgiving weekend. Hopefully, it is the almost
seven inches of rain we've had since then that is keeping away the customers. I will just keep on keep-
ing on, as they say -- and now I have a goal with a deadline and I always love that. I have to have a
completely upgraded business plan by the end of February for the
GO BIG Network as well as
Creative Capital, who have both shown a real interest in my ideas. I have also figured out who is out
there making promises they cannot keep so at least I don't have to wade through all of that again.
Wish me luck!
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Merry Christmas, Again
I had been planning to write about
my mother today, just like last year - nobody loved Christmas
like Memaw - but it is coming a little
slow again. Instead, I am giving you something that someone
else wrote that I found
very interesting -- it is also what I printed for Christmas last year. It still
applies and will forever. . .
Spirituality Spot Found in Brain
What makes us feel spiritual? It could be the quieting of a small area in our brains, a new study
suggests.
The area in question - the right parietal lobe - is
responsible for defining "Me," said researcher Brick
Johnstone of Missouri
University. It generates self-criticism, he said, and guides us through
physical and
social terrains by constantly updating our self-knowledge: my hand,
my cocktail, my witty conversation
skills,my new love interest. . .
People with less active Me-Definers are more likely to lead spiritual lives, reports the study. Most
previous
research on neuro-spirituality has been based on brain scans of
actively practicing adherents (i.e.meditating
monks, praying nuns) and has
resulted in broad and inconclusive findings. (Is the brain area lighting up in
response to verse or spiritual experience?)
So Johnstone and
colleague Bret Glass turned to the tried-and-true techniques of neuroscience's
early
days - studying brain-injured patients. The researchers tested brain
regions implicated in the previous
imaging studies with exams tailored to each
area's expertise - similar to studying the prowess of an ear
with a hearing
test. They then looked for correlations between brain region performance and the
subjects'
self-reported spirituality.
Among the more spiritual of the
26 subjects, the researchers pinpointed a less functional right, a physical
state which may translate psychologically as decreased self-awareness and
self-focus.
The finding suggests that one core tenant of spiritual
experience is selflessness, said Johnstone, adding
that he hopes the study "will
help people think about spirituality in more specific ways."
Spiritual
outlooks have long been associated with better mental and physical health. These
benefits,
Johnstone speculated, may stem from being focused less on one's self
and more on others - a natural
consequence of turning down the volume on the
Me-Definer.
In addition to religious practices, other behaviors and
experiences are known to hush the Definer of Me.
Appreciation of art or nature
can quiet it, Johnstone said, pointing out that people talk of "losing
themselves"
in a particularly beautiful song. Love, and even charity work, can
also soften the boundaries of "Me," he said.
The greatest silencing of the
Me-Definer likely happens in the deepest states of meditation or prayer, said
Johnstone, when practitioners describe feeling seamless with the entire
universe. That is, the highest point
of spiritual experience occurs when "Me"
completely loses its definition.
"If you look in the Torah, the Old
Testament, the New Testament, in the Koran, a lot of Sufi writings,
Buddhist
writings, and Hindu writings, they all talk about selflessness," said Johnstone.
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The Story Behind The Story of Panhandle Pete
"Panhandle
Pete" is not in any way based on any one person. If
anything, he
is my alter ego. Occasionally,
I have used names of family and friends to
entertain my children. Those children are young adults
now.
They know who they are and also will see themselves
in this "new and improved" version of stories they
have heard thousands of times. I
would like to acknowledge the great Gene Autrey wrote a
song in the
1930's or '40's called, "Panhandle
Pete". His family members who run the Gene Autrey Foundation were
very kind when I emailed them, asking permission to use the
name in 2000. His
Pete was a cowboy in
the Texas Panhandle.
My Pete is from the Florida Panhandle and did not even have
a name for the first
ten years
I told my children wild stories about him.
The
stories began
when my son was very small. He preferred bedtime stories featuring himself as the star
after he fell in love with "Where The Wild Things Are." When my
daughters
were born some years later,
I told them the
same stories, but the main character was named Prince Boo, the Boss
of You. Boo was
my son's nickname as a baby
so it just sort of evolved. When my girls were still pre-schoolers, we had
a
neighbor who, among other things,
was a gifted
poet. He named our hero and wrote comical verses for
my
daughters. We spent the summer of 1991
on the Bimini Deck at AJ's in Destin FL, writing more
verses which I then illustrated. We pursued having it published briefly,
but with no luck. The Harry Potter
series came out around that
time and even though my
character was in a different locale and the story
was in verse, publishers kept
pointing
out the similarities so I laid Pete
to rest for the next ten years.
In
May, 2000, my husband's work took us to
Tallahassee FL and
I spent ten days in our new apartment
with no telephone, no cable and no internet. The weather was
absolutely beautiful
so I spent
alot of time
walking
with our dog, Pearl and
just thinking about the past. My son and I had been
estranged for a
few
years and had just
begun rebuilding our
relationship. I
spent many hours thinking
about when he was small
and quite naturally the old stories came to mind. I actually wrote
all the new
verses of Part I during
that
period. I spent about three
months trying
to find a publisher but
no one seemed to
know how to
classify it.
Is it a children's book? It really flys when
it is read out
loud. Is it a humor book?
Everyone who has seen
it
to seems to enjoy it, especially those who
have connections to
the Gulf Coast's sugar-white beaches.
When I started building this web site in 2007, I
started looking at Pete again. With improved skills on my
part
and improved software,
I have revamped The Story of Panhandle Pete once again. I still
don't know
in what category
it fits, I only know I laugh out
loud every time I read it. I
hope you will, too.
Click here to order or to look over the preview.
"Baby Dread" -- one of my favorite
characters, based on the real
Baby Dread who is also
my youngest child. Her first real
appearance is in the upcoming
Part Two. She is actually in one
of the beach scenes in Part One.

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The Story of Panhandle Pete Part One
is now available from dozen of dis-
tributors world-wide found on
Google Book Search.

Panhandle Pete is now on Facebook!
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Grey-Water Gardening
Coming Soon!
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Wind Power
Coming Soon!
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